Pape, a Sloppy Hockey Hall of Famer, is the first man to be born with only a last name. A true pioneer and trailblazer, since 1974 he has spearheaded drinking interests, hell raising endeavors, and a few hockey related pursuits with unyielding zeal, innovation and ambition. Mr. Pape has assisted thousands of lonely beer bottles through personal appearances and hands on support. In the past 2 decades he has spend thousands of dollars for innumerable bad ideas. His role as Pape has impacted thousands of children and families in a negative fashion. In honor of his efforts, his hometown of Cudahy, Wisconsin will rename the former Afterglow to the Pape & Glow. His love for the bottle is intense and he is very proud of it. Pape has many other bad habits, but there are too many to list.

In addition to laying on the ice, Pape also serves as team couch potato. He stays sharp by drinking 10-20 hours per week and eating 4-6 large meals per day. He is best know for his unusual, but effective goalie posture.

It pains the team to report Pape has since hung up his skates and replaced them with bowling shoes. If you see this man on the street, be sure to give him a good old fashioned back hand.

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Tony is recognized as the only player in history to skate in tight ass jeans with a chain wallet flapping in the brisk air. Regardless of the tight ass jeans, he could shoot right, left, and play any position. He is feared as one of the toughest players in the sloppy hockey league.

Tony continues to serve as a role model and ambassador to generations of metalheads and burners alike. He has remained an unblemished arena rock rocker. Humble, sincere, and approachable he has inspired the likes of every cover hair band in the greater Milwaukee area. He is a hero to many, an icon of our time. He is and always will be known as "that rocker guy... you know, Heather's neighbor.

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Topher received first team honors in 2003 after a strong showing in the second half of season. He is an asset to any team, because of his unsurpassed ability to keep the opposing team away from him when he is handling the puck. His unusually small stick makes him a conversation piece in any event. He's also superstitious about his equipment... he won't let anyone touch it once it leaves the ice.

I think the photo speaks for itself.

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This 50 year old man in a 33 year old body is a rare Sloppy Hockey species. If the planets are aligned correctly, you may catch a glimpse of the diurnal (opposite of nocturnal) Gill. He pokes his stick out of his hole to sleepskate only 1 or 2 games throughout the entire sloppy season. Is it chronic fatigue syndrome, liver damage, or is he a modern day hobbit? Any way you look at it, he is a true collectors item for any Sloppy Hockey fan. If don't see him on the sheet be sure to check underneath your seat. He can often be found catching some shut-eye under the bleachers.

zzzzzzzzzzz.

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#32 can flick a pick, swing a stick, and beat a mighty drum. When he's not diving for dead people in the Milwaukee river and sipping Pabst through the straw of his high-tech diving helmet, Joey can normally be found rescuing pussies from area trees. This firefighter's no slouch on the ice either. Delaying any game to remove his helmet and lick your blood from the ice, he lets you know he'll be coming after you next. Now, if we could just figure out how the hell his damn shift schedule works, we could get him to a few more games.

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Voted the most Hydrated Man on Ice 2003, Yeehaw is not shy about his lack of bladder control. The definition of golden shower has a whole new meaning as it relates to this man's game. From a business suit during the day to leather, pvc, and high heels at night, this Dom delivers intense discipline to all who cross his path. His skills as a certified dominatrix is a proven intimidation to players and onlookers alike who shout out words like "pee pee pants" or "pee pee panties." During a recent interview Yeehaw stated, "The similarities between handling a bull whip in the basement and my stick on the ice is astounding. When I say, 'stay in the crease or you're gonna lick my toes,' I mean that torture talk." Number seven can professionally dominate up to 3 skaters at any given time. His submissive position creativity is, without a doubt, impressive. Yes master.

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Born and raised by circus seals, big K brings new life to the sport. His love for chunks of frozen water and rolly polly fish heads is truly inspiring. Kirby's fore flippers give him the unique ability to handle 4 hockey sticks at once. Goalies shake in their skates when this human-seal approaches with and growl and snort bearing a fearsome set of teeth. On the sensitive side, the way he glides on the ice with such grace and balance is evidence of a worthy team member. Throw him a reward the next time you see him.

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Given proof that the Sloppy Hockey Release Program works, this former hoodlum has the cards stacked in his favor. Slammer's ankle bracelet has yet to get in the way of his mean slap shot not to mention his bar none stick handling. His slight of hand is a mystery to even the most experienced goaltender. Keep on rockin' in the free world #24645, this buds for you!

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Due to a brutal mar, injury prone #66 prefers to shoot and score off of the ice. This fiery redhead can usually be found hanging out in the men's locker room double checking the male gear. Every Sloppy Hockey player can now be reassured that their gear will be in perfect working order for each and every game. If not, she'll work the magic like nobody's business. If you don't catch her at a game be sure to check the men's bathroom stall. Her contact info is posted on each stall for your convenience.

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Co-founder of Dogs R Us, this Dog Potty Trainer has adapted his knowledge of revolutionary house training techniques to aid in Sloppy Hockey game play. His most effective method of making opposing players obey is a must see. The stress and annoyance of those difficult players is a thing of the past. If the team wants a particular player to be contained in a designated area, Whizdog is the man. It may take a few tries, but don't worry, Whiz will have that skater completely trained by the 2nd period (no guarantee of odor elimination). If only we can get him to reduce the number of Yeehaw accidents, he could be voted most valuable player this year.

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You don't want to know!

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Name: Dan Janusz
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Shoots: Unknown
Quote: Unknown
Day Job: Unknown

Here at Sloppy we take our uniform seriously. The utmost care should be exercised to avoid even the appearance of desiring to attract attention by the peculiar formation of any article of clothing. Showing up for a 2000 playoff game dressed like this was unacceptable. Dan was strapped to this medieval torture device and forced to play goalie the entire game. And this poor bastard paid the price. Lucky for him there were no shots on goal. Dan was then asked that his Momma stop dressing him or he would never be allowed back in the game. We haven't seen him since.

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Healer by day, a new breed of evil drug pusher by night. Without #4's ability to score tasty pharmaceuticals, the pain, suffering and emotional distress after a game would be intolerable. This man is as ugly as sin, but don't let that fool you...he's meaner than a wet cat. His looks, demeanor and inbuilt odor can tame even the toughest skater. Mothers beware, this sick and twisted Sloppy Hockey special often targets children. We love and tolerate the poor lunatic anyway.

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"Ours was definitely a dysfunctional hockey situation," admitted this plenty pack of evil twins in unison. Luckily, Jim and Tom always had each other. When things started to fall apart, they just slapped on matching uniforms and hit the local ponds to kick some ass. Things really heated up when the twins' slightly older brother Jim turned them on to influential, brain crushing metal music. Each would dream about skating harder and faster every day to the piercing sounds of Dee Snider and King Diamond. "We'd go straight to our room after school and rock out on our miniature hockey box made of particle board." Things looked promising for the future of this dynamic duo until the Swedish rock band Europe wormed its way into this pair of juvies.

Jim's obsession with the new band tore the brotherhood apart. They hung up their skates and homemade sticks and called it quits. Sloppy Hockey recruiters picked them up at a local dive 15 years later and the rest is history.

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Raised in a party hardee, hardee party environment by his two older brothers Barley and Hops, Foley manages to keep his balance on the frozen waters of Wilson. His highly unusual, but effective, 3 points of contact method seems to do the trick quite nicely. Foley also seems to focus better with one eye closed—truly amazing. His aggression and intimidation in the game is something to behold. If we could only coach him on how to stop fighting with inanimate objects, the gold at the end of the rainbow would be ours. Due to recent findings by the Sloppy Hockey Testing Committee, Foley is banned for the year. Traces of blood in a players alcohol stream will not be tolerated in 2005.

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Behold the heavy-gauged, reinforced, fully insulated, corrosion-resistant Kischinator. When this powerhouse ain't daydreaming 'bout his alternate gas supply hole, he's thinkin' 'bout pickin' up some used blades! Often times mistaken for a zamboni, this good ol'boy's pure rock fury can turn a game to red hot in seconds. Y'all got your pads on cuz crazy Kischer's comin' at ya!

This furnace will arrive at your home or trailer completely assembled and factory run-tested to ensure that your blow goes off without a hitch. All models design certified by Sloppy Hockey testing laboratories. Order today and receive a big ol' bunch of them french-fried putatahs.

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With HighTide on the ice there's never a nosebleed seat in the house. You'll see eye to eye with this two story superfreak—even in the top row. Towering over the spectators and teammates below, this amazing performer is not only an agile ice skater, but an astounding balloon artists and juggler as well. He is sure to spruce up any event, keeping the fans excited and happy. If you're lucky you can catch his amazon girly friends in the stands, shouting "Ron is like a gift from heaven, he prefers the sloppy seconds".

Coupled with the benefits of his exceptional ability to rise above bestows minor on-ice disadvantages for the tall drink of water. Disgruntled players seem to unjustly yell and shout profanities at him to help relieve their own personal "your off-sides ass hole" grievances. And Ron's ability to skate fast, in unhuman-like circles around everybody makes him the team's most hated mentor.

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